Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six Hundred Minutes

So tonight it's been a year. Well, a year and day, but it was Friday, so I count tonight as a year.

SHANE BALLARD Died Aug. 13, 2004

Indie filmmaker Shane Ballard apparently committed suicide at age 23. The Mississippi actor/director died of carbon monoxide poisoning. He had stuffed a pillow under his bedroom door and started two charcoal burners. As there was no suicide note found, the coroner reached his verdict based on the mechanics of Mr. Ballard’s death. Mr. Ballard was the subject of director Ron Tibbett’s documentary "Citizen Shane." The film chronicled Ballard’s run for the office of Sheriff of Lowndes County in Mississippi. Ballard ran as a pro-porn Republican. Tibbett’s film also featured three songs by serial killer Charles Manson. Mr. Ballard was a friend of Manson. The two often spoke on the phone. Ballard’s friend and mentor Ron Tibbett was killed in a car crash on June 7th (see the June Hollywood Obituary column for more info on Mr. Tibbett). Mr. Ballard acted in the indie shorts "Cookie Jar" and "Terror Toons 2: The Sick and Silly Show." He co-directed with ‘Allen Smithee’ the 3 minute short "Here Comes Santa Claus."

What, did you think people wouldn't miss you, you stupid fat fucker? How could we not miss you? I'll give you this: you managed to accomplish a bit before you decided to barbecue indoors. You had a sensitive side that didn't often show through your veneer. Although, to be fair, it wasn't really a veneer. I'm not sure that you ever really "acted" a minute of your short life.

Anyway, you've missed a lot. Brittney Spears is pregnant with the spawn of trailer trash. The coffee shop is no more. People lost weight, people are getting married. People are living. It's a shame you aren't.

Much love to you, brother.